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Shakespeare Presents: A BIONICLE Comedy Central Night's Chat
Ladies and gentlemen, lads and lassies, sit right down for a BIONICLE Comedy Central Production of "Shakespeare Presents: A BIONICLE Comedy Central Night's Chat" Please feel free to reference a dictionary if needed. Please no flash photography. Thank you, and enjoy. ''ACT I: The Bionicle Comedy Central Chatroom'' Chrismajor enters chat, where Mace is already waiting. Mace: 'Lo! Chris approaches! Chrismajor: "What soft, through yonder chat enters!" Mace: Well met! Chrismajor: Thou doth speak #LikeABard Mace: Verilly, I hath learned it well! (Keplers exits stage right) Chrismajor: Ho! The voice of Mace Doth pierce the "yolo" of the common man! Such speech doeth restore a faith in humanity And I cannot write this script in a hexameter form ... Von! Harken! Thou speakest not in old English Mace: Well met, Sir Chris! Chrismajor: Thanks be to thee, Mace, for thy compliment! Mace: Thou are most kind! Chrismajor: Thou didst inspire me - I shall rewrite a BIONICLE comic in Shakespeare! Mace: Verily thine writing shall be sung of for years to come! Chrismajor: Methinks thou mayst be correct! Mace: Aye! Chrismajor: Then to my Wyrd Processor it is! Thou wilst see the Bard meeting the Turaga, yea, even the Toa! Mace: Return in but a moment, I shall! Chrismajor: Prithee, go in peace! (Mace exits stage right, Malurus joins the randomness) Malurus: Or shall he go in war? Chrismajor: Prithee, Mal, not to wish such mysfortune upon thy brother! Malurus: Nay, I wish not, but he has taken centuries to return! Chrismajor: Harken! The voice of Mace? (Starwars has joined the randomness) Malurus: Where is it? (Malurus waves to Starwars) Starwars: '''*deep voice* here '''Chrismajor: Harken! SW doeth approach! What news doth thy bring? Come as friend, or, nay it be so, enemy? Starwars: What younder fair lady-oh... that's Chris. Erm... Wasup bro? Nothin much. Malurus: :P Starwars: Arya loved the wheat thins, BTW Chrismajor: Mal, this one talketh as a bufoon, a common man! Such ruffians! Malurus: At least he wasn't an ugly lady. Chrismajor: Gentlemen, refined speech! Nay be it so that thou identifiest as a ruffian! Starwars: She liked the cast iron mini TARDIS I snuck inside better though Chrismajor: Such vile speech! Nay, that of the common man! Starwars: Nay, of a hobo Time Lord (Keplers has joined the randomness) Chrismajor: Ah, the Traveller doth understand! Prithee, tell ye tale of the Thins of Wheat Mace: 'Lo! I hath returned! Starwars: Doth, the tale is of boorish nature? Chrismajor: Ah! Was your journey of profit, or if ill? Starwars: Mah Shakespeare is rusty. IDK. Mace: Never the mind, SW, mine is made up and learned from Thor! Chrismajor: Rust lineth thy speech! I fearest the plague! Keplers: Thine tongue be covered in rust? Chrismajor: The plague be with him! Keplers: A silvertongue hath never been so tarnished seen. Starwars: It got a good laugh and a hug and she said you still wore skinny jeans so.... profit? Mace: Thor hath teacheth me all I know! Chrismajor: SW thou talk as if a barbarian! Mace: Verilly I am a master of thine ancient tongue? Starwars: DOTH MOTHAH KNOW YA WEAR HER DRAPES???? Keplers: Masterful is thine speech, one so full of Mace. Chrismajor: True, true - the tongue of a scholar! SW - so vile, so villinous! Malurus: OOOOOOOH! THOU ART BURNED! Chrismajor: Keps - thou speaketh correctly! Mal - such truth, yea Mace: You have my thanks, Lord Kepler of S! Chrismajor: And mine, Mace o' Floryda Mace: Verilly I hath conquered this land. Save the realm of Mickealeus Mousum! Malurus: I must go, I will see ye later! Mace: He hath a grip o' iron upon his land! Fare the well, Mal! Chrismajor: Mine internet! Thou villain, thou scum o' the Earth beneath! Such tempting, and such trickery! But nay, I rise above thee, With my sword - Refresh its name Starwars: I'm the only one here who'll talk like this in public Mace: Verilly you are more learned than even Thor, Chris! (Malurus exits stage right) Thou mayst be correct, War of the Stars. Chrismajor: I give thee a thank you, Mace o' Floryda! Tis many classes of high school English! Mace: Whither hath Mal gone? (Keplers exits stage right). Chrismajor: As for thee, SW, get thee a dictionary! Mace: And Kepler of S hath departed our presence! Chrismajor: May his journey be swift and well upon him! Mace: Yea! Chrismajor: Verily indeed, Mace o' Floryda Mace: The return of Lord BIONICLUS approaches! Chrismajor: Thou sayest so? Mace: Indeed, the Town Cryer hath speakest it! Chrismajor: Verily, he is welcome in our halls, yea, the kingdom! Let him be honored as a guest And bestowed treasure thereupon, Seated in honor and prestige! Mace: Well met! Chrismajor: A bestowed thanks be upon thee! Mace: BIONICLUS' knights appear well armored and adorned with many riches! Chrismajor: Aye, after honorable battle with the villain YFJ, that ruffian! Many a kingdom he hath poisoned Like a vyper, poised to strike And render the prince motherless and the queen childless Mace: Indeed, a wolf in rats clothing, if thou will. Chrismajor: Thou speakest well! Mace: Verily we could converse in this tongue forever! Chrismajor: Prithee, indeed! (Starwars exits stage right) Chrismajor: SW doeth leave the chat - I fear ill Grave mistidings of the dev'lish Android! Mace: The War of the Stars hath seen many a battle, mayhaps a fiend of old hath taken him? Chrismajor: TIS A SCANDEL Mace: VERILY SO! TELL EVERYONE. Chrismajor: I fear the wiles of YFJ, that ruffian! Indeed. Lord Von von Ness has spake little! Mace: He hath spoken of a demon in his employ. Mayhaps he deals with powers arcane! (Starwars has joined the randomness) Starwars: A soft reboot, actually Only half of the Vahi Confirmed Chrismajor: Doeth this ruffian speak so barbarically still?? Come, sit, speak as the bard! Be ye not conc'rned with matters of the commoners! Mace: VERILY THE WAR OF STARS HATH RETURNED! Starwars: You don't want the Bonkle lowdown? Okay then Mace: I do, SW. Starwars: I JUST SAID IT! Chrismajor: Indeed, animal-like, this one! Thy mouth moves, but the sounds ut'red maketh no reason! Starwars: WOOF! MEOW! Chrismajor: TIS A SCANDEL OF SCANDELS Mace: So, the kingdom of BIONICLUS hath beem reset by powers most vile? It is not a tale of another realm? Ye olde one hath been cast out? Starwars: It is. Another universe Mace: Ah. My fears were ill placed Chrismajor: I fear'st the efforts of Lego, and that of the Marketing Team! Mace: I am acquainted with the Lady of Marketing! Chrismajor: Thou speakest truth? Mace: I doth follow her in the realm of Twitter! Mention a game and an app, she has! (Starwars shows the picture of the BroDeer) Mace: Verily thine prey will make a fabulous feast! Chrismajor: Thy hunting efforts seem to be failed Methinks dead carrion haveth no tongue And yet this ruffian speaks! Come, hithertoo, creature, utter thy heart Mace: Verily that is the face I would make, if I ever said that phrase! Chrismajor: The deer doeth seem to utter "Harken, brother, tell me verily if I do not look fabulous?" Mace: It doth look like a fabulous feast! Chrismajor: Verily indeed, provided the beast would first SHUT UP! ''ACT 2: The Arrival of Malurus'' M''alurus has joined the randomness'' Chrismajor: Harken. Lord Mal approacheth! Malurus: Yea, I have come to my fellow brethren! Chrismajor: Ho, thy footsteps echo in this hall But come, sit, and tell of your journeys! Servant! Prepare the feast! Malurus: My journeys tell of the fabulous fight of Peetsa! Mace: 'Lo! Mal hath returned! Starwars: Mal, do me a solid and get the fancy shamncy talk outta my hair. Chrismajor: Such a ruffian! Malurus: Nay, this ruffian is a friend of mine! He shall not be a servant, but a guest! Mace: If thou wishes me to cease speaking in this tongue, thou hath but to ask! Chrismajor: In such presence of Lord Mal and Mace o' Floryda? Prithee, we shalt allow him a seat But we cannot abandon our seat for his ... common talk! Starwars: I could cut my tongue out... Chrismajor: Vile! Starwars: I always wanted to do that... Malurus: Nay, not today, SW! Mace: Don't. Chrismajor: Such vulgar speech! And in the presence of a guest! Malurus: Thou should wait until thou are of good age and hath spoke most your speech. Starwars: Fooled you. Mace: Verilly the evil alchemists of thine age will use it to duplicate thine body, War of Stars! Chrismajor: To the dungeons, I say, until thou learns't respect in the court! Mace: Verilly, I've been had! Starwars: CLONES??? The CHARM IS TOO DANG HIGH! Chrismajor: Mayest thy heart, SW, still be beating by the time you fin'sh! Malurus: I have a swell idea! Let us eat in the dungeons! Mace: Well played, War of Stars! Chrismajor: Mace o' Floryda, I speaketh the dungeon for SW! (Keplers has joined the randomness) Mace: 'Lo! Malurus: LO! Chrismajor: Harken! Keps cometh! Mace: Keplers hath returned! Malurus: I hath read the paper, and am now routinely writing my letter to the editor! Chrismajor: Servants! Prepare the welcome feast Delay thy Min'craft until the table be set And prithee, stalleth not! Mace: Verilly it shall be a feast liken unto no other! Chrismajor: Indeed, can'st sayeth better! Malurus: Yea, it will be the first one I can say I came in stuffed upon! (Keplers exits stage right) Chrismajor: Indeed, Lord Mal But come, the servants doeth finish the setting And the table doth invite We shall dine tonight! To thy health, and thine, and even SW's! Mace: I had thought I had seeneth Keplers! Malurus: Nay, he hath left! His food must be served to another! Mace: Mayhaps I was mistaken? Chrismajor: Methinks so ... Mace: Verilly I hunger for his portion! Malurus: SW should join our feast! His health be taken to aco'nt. Chrismajor: Keps' portion? Nay, SW's portion now! Come, sit, partake of merriment! Malurus: Now, how do I know who this editor is? Should I even include his name in this parchment? Mace: Thou speaketh the truth, my brethren! (To Mal) ''Mayhaps you shall '''Chrismajor:' Address him as simply "To the Editor" Such address be eno'gh For a man of such anonymity Malurus: So tell us the tales of late, Mace of Floryda! What adventures hast thou overcame? Mace: I hath gotten things secured on the homefront! Now I seeketh employment! Malurus: My fair sister lands in your land tonight! (Slicer Vorzakh has joined the randomness) Malurus: NAY!!! Mace: 'Lo! Chrismajor: Slicer! Thou speakest in the bard, yea? Slicer Vorzakh: No l ... ''ACT 3: The Arrival of BionicleFan1'' BionicleFan1 joins the randomness. He is seeking advice from Lord Chrismajor, Mace o' Floryda, and Lord Malarus. SW still cannot speak correctlty. Chrismajor: Come, sit, and speak anyways. Mace: Slicer aprocheth! Malurus: Nay, another peasant? Chrismajor: Lo! BionicleFan1 cometh! Malurus: How many come! Mace: Verily he hath come for the feast! Chrismajor: Two, nay, maybe more, methinks! Slicer Vorzakh: So bard, many confusion Malurus: Nay, there is not enough mead for their mouths to make them merry! Mace; Thou shall send thine best men to acquire more! Chrismajor: Methinks I shall run to WalMart and secure more Nay, no guest in these halls Shall a dry mouth and em'ty belly have! BionicleFan1: I'm playing the superhero game Malurus: More wine is needed, as well as mead! Chrismajor: Nay, Lord BF, speaketh as the bard! Mace: Verilly thou can emulate Thor, then. (Vonness exits stage right) Chrismajor: Thou addst it to my shopp'ng list, Mal, prithee? Malurus: Yea! Chrismajor: I thankst thee, verily and indeed In the words of the fair Toa Kopaka "i hast slept f'r so long. mine dreams hast been dark ones. but anon i hast awaken'd. anon the scatter'd elements of mine being art rejoin'd. anon i am whole. and the darkness cannot stand 'ere me. " I shareth thy amusement Malurus: Fair he is indeed, but chilling to the bone his words are. Mace: Verily thou put Thor to shame in usage of thine tongue. Malurus: Yea, who wants to hear the battle of Peetsa? Chrismajor: Methinks we shall! BionicleFan1: Trying to talk to this girl through the in game PM system. Mace: Aye! BionicleFan1: But I ran out of things to say Mace: "Fare maiden" is the phrase of thine age, Fan of BIONICLUS. Malurus:'''Yea, I hath went to the land called Dinur'Table, a land thou should know. '''Mace: Aye, I know it well Malurus: I grabbed a white shield, and then the beast of Peetsa was upon me! No blade I had in hand! Chrismajor: This internet! Mine death indeed! But enough of pain, continue thy tale, Mal BionicleFan1: I need help Malurus: The beast Peetsa put all it's might upon my shield! It lay upon it, one could say! Chrismajor: Thou speakest so? Malurus: What help does thou need, Fan of BIOINICLE? Mace: Verily I know not what to tell ye, Fan of BIONICLE - Find common ground! Striketh up a rivetting conversation! Chrismajor: Yea, speaketh to her as such "What soft, what light through yonder server breaks! It is the east, and (inserth thy maiden's name here) is the sun! Harken, she speaks!" Starwars: What help? Chrismajor: Tis a classic phrase Starwars: @BF Mace: Speaketh with Maiden fair, the fan of BIONICLE does. Malurus: The beast Peetsa almost overcame me, but I had an idea! Mace: Thou he is unsure how to proceed. Malurus: I grabbed the beast with my arm, and bent it in two! Chrismajor: Aye, the ides of love! But come, tell us thy tale, Mal Malurus: Then I gnashed at it with my teeth! Mace: Aye, much courage thou has! Chrismajor: Sayeth so? MalurusThe creature was overcame, and Dinur'Table was safe once more! Chrismajor: Harken to such valor! Thou hast won thy honor! Mace: Yea, thou be a tale that'll be long sung! BionicleFan1: Some help Starwars: With? Malurus: WHAT HELP DOES THOU REQUIRE? DOES THOU NEED ADVICE? Chrismajor: At thee, BIONICLUS fan Sayeth what I doeth suggest! Mace: Aye He needs advice about Maidens fair. Starwars: Oh? Mace: Indeed. Starwars: Ask if she likes DW Malurus: If it is maidens we speak of, I seem to have a way with them. SW speaks truth! Mace: He hath speaketh with one on a game of heroes and villains! Malurus: DW is a great subject for fair maidens! Mace: And now he hath come to a mental block! He knows not what to speak! Chrismajor: Such internet! Villainous! Ruffian! BionicleFan1: I'm not talking like that Chrismajor: Yea, the doctor doerth be conve'sation for the maiden's heart! Come, BIONICULOUS fan, thou knowest not the beauty of such tongue! Mace: Aye! Thine Maiden surely knoweth it well! Malurus: I hath won many maidens accident'ly by spaking the Doctor's name! He is a true hero indeed! (Slicer Vorzakh exits stage right) Chrismajor: But doeth thy pursue the courtship, Lord Mal? That doeth be a joke of the humorous type Mace: Verily the Comedy Centre of BINOICLOUS is quite an odd place! Chrismajor: Indeed! (BionicleFan1 facepalms) Chrismajor: Thou fasepalm? Mace: Why hast thou began beating thine face, Fan of BIOINICLOUS? Malurus: I hath not yet need of courtship, since these maidens fall for me all the time, yet I have yet to find the one for me! Mace: Verily, you shall, Mal. Malurus: That 'tis secret! Chrismajor: Aye I hath likewise abandoned courtship, Few doeth be fans of BIONICULOUS And too many be ditzy and rot o' brains BionicleFan1: I'm just talking to a girl Mal, not hitting on her Chrismajor: Aye, the strug'le doeth exist Thou separates the two, fan of BIONICULOUS? Both be one and same Malurus: Then why doeth you ask advice? Just talk, Fan of BIONICULOUS! Mace: Thou mustn't hit maidens, Fan of BIONICLOUS! Chrismajor: Indeed, Mace speaketh truth! BionicleFan1: But can I hit males Squire Mace? Mace: Aye, Chrismajor: Nay! Mace be a Lord! Mace: Have fun. Malurus: They are meant for hitting! BionicleFan1: But that's sexism Chrismajor: And slicing, nay, even impal'ment! Mace: 'Tis the glory of battle, thine Males crave. Chrismajor: 'Tis the glory of the kytchen, thine Females crave Malurus: Well, ye see, there art... Things, that men... Well, ye see... Chrismajor: Thou loseth thy words, Mal? Malurus: Well, explaining this thing to this commoner is hard. Starwars: ASK BOUT DW!!! Mace: Males tend to be more athletically inclined, Fan of BIONICLOUs. Starwars: I'm above this... Malurus: Yea, the Doctor is much a good subject! Mace: 'Tis how life works. Chrismajor: SW, speaketh correctly or cease to speak, commoner! Mace: I'm above ev'rything! Chrismajor: I kiddest yet, SW Mace: Aye. Malurus: YEA! Mace: 'Tis all in jest. I'm sure. Malurus: SW, ye grow silent. Chrismajor: Perhaps we should put aside our speech and draw curtain upon our tale? Malurus: Speak and be merry! Mace: Aye,. BionicleFan1: Speak Gungan Malurus: Yea, this speech shall not get in between the Lords of the BCC! Chrismajor: Nay! I shall return to the speech of the common folk! Mace: Verilly we shall speak the tongue of modern man. Malurus: Now, I bid thee to fare well! ~ END ~